Monday, April 26, 2010

Need, Want, Love

I love you. I want you. I need you.

Where do these intersect? where overlap? which is the chicken and which is the egg?

Want can creep in as a disguise for lust, but mostly plays a part in love. I want to see you. I want to hold you, touch you. I want to spend time with you. I want you to forsake all others. I want you to want me.

Need takes many guises as well. Physical need: Help me do things. I can't change the light bulbs myself, I can't drive with a broken foot. Psychological need: Help me cope. Reflect my self, show me I am worthy. Psychical need: Help me be happy. Be there in the night, wake me from bad dreams, hold me in the sunlight. I need you to need me.

Love can exist without want or need. But they do all get tangled together. Because I love you, I want you, need you, to love me. Tangles.

And which comes first? Did I need you, then want you, finally love you? Or did I want someone, need anyone, found you and loved you? Chickens and eggs.

I need you. I want you. I love you.

Monday, April 5, 2010

untwisting the knickers

The fact of their intimate relationship and the nature of that relationship is none of my business. The fact and the nature of *our* relationship is.

Sometimes a facet of their relationship may cause me discomfort or even pain. I may or may not choose to pitch a fit about it or to stay silent. Either way, I will deal with my pain or discomfort.


If I do pitch a fit, then he will have the choice to deal with that or not. However, “not dealing with it” should not entail preemptive dishonesty, whether outright lying or misdirection or deception of any sort.


I feel patronized when my choice to be upset or not is removed by his not being completely open and honest. Lies of omission are as serious as lies of commission.


We have promised to try to have “no twisted knickers” and I have tried to be as open and honest as I can. Not “as much truth as the relationship can bear”, but rather as much truth as we can find.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Diary, cont'd

On Wednesday morning the "containment" guys showed up. Heavy plastic was taped over all the cabinets and drawers of the kitchen; the refrigerator was pulled into the middle of the room (with an extension cord) and encased in heavy plastic. Next they "plastic-ed" the doors from kitchen to front hall and dining room and the opening above the pass-through bar and all the windows. A small hole was left at one of the windows to allow passage of a 12" exhaust pipe.

Next they made a plastic encased passageway from the garage door, through the TV room, to the hall and stairs. Upstairs, the bathroom door was sealed, as well as all the bedroom windows. Again a hole was left for the exhaust pipe. They constructed an elaborate air-lock sort of chamber in the garage out of pvc pipe and more heavy plastic with two "rooms" to stand in and put on or remove their hazmat suits.

Once this was all in place, they could start removing the asbestos laden floor tiles and sections of drywall.

When all the work was done, they put up warning posters and left for the day. I had (I thought) prepared pretty well by stockpiling some food in the little drinks 'fridge in the garage. What did not get set aside from the kitchen? A cork screw! Stacks of wine in the garage and not a screw-top bottle to be seen! Also, I remembered to save out the coffee pot ... but not the coffee. Wednesday dinner consisted of two slices of leftover pizza a co-worker let me take (Ta, Jo. I owe you.) Breakfast Thursday was coffee and a scone from Peet's on the way to work.

---

Thursday, Feb 25. I arrived home from work around 3:30 to find the air quality inspector on my front walk, calling his office for instructions how to get into my house. The removal guys hadn't told him -- the only way into the containment area is through the garage and the side door to the garage had been left unlocked for him. It took 45 minutes to sample the air, 30 minutes to drive back to his lab, 2 minutes to run the sample through his machines, 1 minute to call and tell me the air quality is safe. At 4:50 pm he called the containment people to come take down their plastic. Sorry, can't do it today. Maybe tomorrow. 'K, bye.

Dinner Thursday was Linguini alla Regina and a nice glass of St. Supéry sauvignon blanc at Milan Restaurant while watching the Olympics with a couple of the "regulars".

---

Now it is Friday and I am trying to reach the construction company who were going to send someone at 8 am to measure and give an estimate. I will try to reschedule for this afternoon or tomorrow morning. It is 5:30 am and I REALLY need a cup of coffee. I need a soak in the hot tub more.

[photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-morgan/sets/72157623249704755/ will be updated as new stuff happens]

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Diary of a displaced homeowner

On February 6 my upstairs bathroom sprung a leak. One tiny hose between the water supply and the toilet tank finally gave up the ghost. I heard the water running from my studio at the other end of the house and ran to shut it off. I ran through a waterfall at the foot of the stairs and found an inch of water on the bathroom floor and a damp patch spreading out into the bedroom carpet about 3 feet. In just those few short minutes, many thousands of dollars of damage were done. But most of the cost will be due to my house's age -- back in 1953 builders put asbestos EVERYWHERE, and now removal entails the words "containment" and "friable" and "hazmat suits".

I will be blogging my adventures from now on but here is a bit to catch up to today --

  • Feb 7, 12:45 pm -- @ 5:45 last night -- upstairs toilet sprung a leak. In 5 minutes 3 feet of bedroom carpet was sopping, water came through the ceiling and that carpet was sopping too. Timing is everything -- 5 minutes later I'd have been on my way to dinner and theater. Of course, the TV room *would* be a nice location for an indoor swimming pool ... :-)
  • Feb 7, 5:53 pm --OK. The salvage and restoration guy just left after spending 4.5 hours inspecting, testing, mapping and setting up huge dehumidifiers all over the house. For 3-10 days, I will be camping out in the guest room. *Then* the restoration can start ...
  • Feb 8, 7:17 am --Pretending to be a guest in my own house ... so many things the guest room needs! Hook behind bathroom door, shower caddy, more comfortable place to sit and read ... my apologies to Hannah and Julie who last spent time here. It will be better when you visit next.
  • Feb 9, 1:56 pm --The asbestos testing service has come and gone and I should know by tomorrow if the flooring and drywall repair is going to be a medium or a large pain in the butt.
  • Feb 13, 7:00 am --everything but furniture has been removed from my bedroom. 4,723 (at least) trips up and down stairs carrying clothes, shoes, toiletries, bedding, "stuff" that had been stored there ... ruthlessly culled bags of clothing and shoes (where did they all come from??) for Goodwill.
  • Feb 19, 11:00 am -- Michael's daughter, Elizabeth, is advising me on colors for painting the kitchen, hall, stairs and bedroom and on flooring material for kitchen, stairs and bedroom. She is a wonder: so knowledgeable about materials and such a good color sense. Once the demolition is finished, she is going to be my most valuable asset for the renovation!
  • Feb 23, 8:11 am --The salvage company is here, packing up my bedroom for the duration of the demolition and restoration. Sob. My lovely new mattress is being sent off to storage. Sigh. The bedroom *will* be beautiful. The kitchen *will* be beautiful. And there will be no asbestos anywhere.
Which brings us up to today. Stay tuned kiddies, for the further adventures ...

[photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/rose-morgan/sets/72157623249704755/ will be updated as new stuff happens]

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Kissing girls

I've been doing some thinking lately, about kissing girls.

While I enjoy, and usually prefer, the company and attention of men (my man) -- kissing girls is really nice. It is softer, less bristly, different.

Hugging them is nice too. I used to think having more than two breasts involved would get in the way, but somehow it all works out. Remember way back before your first real *kiss*, you worried what to do about the noses? How do you keep from bumping noses??? And it all worked out somehow? Breasts are the same (squishier, but same principle) and it all works out somehow.

Anyway, for long term intimate and sexual relationships, I prefer men (my man); but kissing girls is really nice!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

songs of the daisy

I love you.
I want you.

I cannot make you love or want me.

If you do
it will be super
it will be brilliant
it will be incandescent

If you do not
I will miss you
But the greater loss will be yours.

My Chickens' First Night

 Sunset  was at 8:11 pm so I went out to the pen a little after 8. The three chickens were milling around, scratching and peeping and seemin...