Choices

1. Continue in a warm and loving relationship where I am continually going to be pushed to the bottom as the next shiny pretty thing comes along.

2. Risk losing everything and being very lonely forever by rocking the boat.

3. Think outside the box and look for the relationship where I am the number one object of affection and attention.

Experiment is Over

The title says it all. No demons haunted my sleep; none came at 3 AM to wake me up. Eating/drinking habits have changed just a teeny bit but I am in control.

Control seems to be the word of the month. I think working with clay as well as with fabric to express creativity will help me feel/be in control.

Sunday

Ate VERY lightly today because it is bloody hot. Lots of water (mint and lemon, not in the same pitcher!). Checked my points and plan to have two glasses of red wine as well as a batch of popcorn later tonight. Still have one point left but that's the fudge factor.

Sleep has still not changed very much. Sigh.

Friday and Saturday

Friday, so so. One (small-ish) glass red wine, fish, bread (boo).

Saturday I drank a TON of water all day long, went 4 points over for the day, one (large-ish) glass of red wine, tomato-garlic-egg scramble for dinner. Eating a ton of fruit today too. We'll see ...

Thursday night

One glass of red wine (normal, not "generous" pour). OK dinner, a little too much on the carbs but OK. Disordered sleep most of the night, hamster wheel for a brain.

No particular demons arose, just mundane minutiae: what glaze to put on the plates, how to reverse engineer the glazing on my coffee cup so I can replicate it, list of clinics to send flyer to, etc, etc, etc. Slept like a log from 5 am to 6:15!

This may be a loooooooooong experiment :-(

the experiment continues

Wednesday:only one glass of wine, but a "generous pour". I ate somewhat more than was prudent -- the rest of the decadent chocolate pie that should have been enough for two nights. But, overall, I think I did OK. Still no demons, but its early days yet, eh?

The Experiment

Hypothesis: doing things to excess (eating, drinking, smoking, drugs) is often to suppress demons of one sort or another.

Experiment: stop drinking to excess and see what demons, if any, arise.

Method: limit to one glass of wine, or one bottle of beer, per night for one week.

Sunday -- one glass of Captain's Red Table Wine only, with dinner. no demons
Monday -- two glasses of CRTW before dinner, 1/2 bottle of awesomely superb Malbec with dinner, small glass of Kahlua after dinner.
Tuesday -- one glass of Sauvignon Blanc only, with dinner. no demons