Two years later ...

Burning Man 2012 is over and I have been indulging in other people's photos and memories that I can find out on the InterWebs. I missed 2011 as well, but today I was cleaning up and found  my journal from 2010. I hadn't been able to transcribe it before now; each time I tried to, my mind sort of side-slipped away from it. Today it all held together and as I typed it up, I relived a wonderful week, a wonder full experience. The following is dedicated to my fellow citizens of Black Rock City, and to the amazing man who introduced me to so many faces of the desert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

August 30 -- On the road at 9 am, met Jim and Marina at Los Gatos Lodge and were really on the road at 9:30. Lunch was at “Al the Wop’s” in Locke: grease burger and Stinky Fries. We taught Marina to eat peanut butter on her burger. Yum!

Jennifer at the Flyer’s gas stop around exit 121, route 80 – no Adam’s apple, name tag said Jennifer, no bra, arm’s like Michaels: “You headed out to the desert?”, “Yep.”, “Stop in on your way back. Have a safe trip.”

We arrived at Boomtown around 4:30; Jim and Marina camped in the campground; Michael and I had a hotel room instead of setting up the pop-up. We had a short nap; then, refreshed, wine and jazz at a bar in the casino. I played $1 in the poker machine at the bar, won $3.50, then lost it all. We had dinner in Denny’s, back to the bar for more jazz and Jameson’s. Bed, Then up by 7:30 to fill water cans, breakfast at Denny’s with Jim and Marina, then on the road again by 9 am.

Arrived at the playa at 2 pm. Camp all set up 4 pm, and then nap until 6 pm. Dinner was sausages, potatoes, and chili. Michael and I went out on the playa after dinner. Found a fire sculpture – an organ played with a keyboard that shot fire out of the pipes instead of sound – orgasm!!!

Wednesday – We got up around 8, had coffee, egg and muffin. Back to bed at 9 until 11:30 or so. Then had brunch that Jim cooked: potatoes, tomatoes, artichoke hearts all fried up with salsa on top. We walked down to pick up more ice. Then Michael, Jim and I went to a lecture on the desert geology and how the playa came about. Bicycling back for Center Camp after that we picked up Pee Funnels for all four of us. Another nap until 3 or so. I was very hot and kind of stupid in a heat stress sort of way. All four of us walked over to the Safer Sex Camp for a 2 hour discussion of non-monogamy. The tent was way over-packed and hot and the lecturer was soft spoken and sort of obvious. Maybe I would have learned something had I stayed all the way to 6 pm, but I don’t think so and left after about 20 minutes. I’ll have to wait now and see what Michael, Jim and Marina have to say about it. Now back at our noisy camp and the techno music guys are again up on their second story platform and gracing us with their shit. Going to try to read a novel and stay out of the sun – maybe people watch a bit.

Igor and Marguerite came by and later horrible Judy and dumb Bob stayed a while. We gave out more glow sticks. Later Michael and I walked out to the Temple. People had said one’s first sight should be at night and it WAS VERY POWERFUL. Maybe later I can describe the feeling. Now … just powerful!

Thursday – up at about 8, refreshed. Great sleep last night! Because the techno jerks went to bed earlier? Because of walk out to Temple? Because of knowing I had a pee funnel for the night?

We all four set out to see “the lady” on bikes but Michael got a flat tire almost out to the Man. We (he and I) walked back to fix it and will head out again soon. Marina had brought back wooden hearts to write on and I put mine and my wedding ring out at the Temple.

 In Loving Memory of a Failed Marriage, 1976-2006

I forgive you for breaking my heart

I forgive you for stealing my innocence

I forgive you for wasting my time.

Cathartic tears, sobs and now an incredible feeling of lightness. I tried to think about him; can’t even write the nickname! And my mind just slips away from it. Wonderful!

The Tuna Guys arrived at last and we gorged on sashimi and grilled salmon. The Google Earth satellite photo was at 11:41 am. We went out on the Big Ka-Tuna and staged a fishing trip with a fishing boat and crew on the playa. We hope the satellite caught the lovely visual with our Tuna, a sunfish art car and a minnow bicycle caught in the net.

Friday morning -- Marina is talking about staying one more day to see the Man burn but Michael and I both still plan to leave Saturday morning. Michael and I took a 1 hour morning bike ride on D road to Center Camp and then on A out to the edge of the City and the Esplanade back home. My right hand was practically numb … even with gloves.

Meatloaf sandwiches. Many tries to go buy ice but each time the line was way too long. We did fill out our census forms and drop them off.

The wind changed around to the south with LOTS of dust dancers. I’m glad we went to the playa this morning because it is, while not quite a white-out, very dusty. Hair done up in a do rag and the cool bandanas on us both. Due to the dust, we have to button up the trailer so too hot to sleep. Both of us are totally enervated from the heat – hottest day yet. Jim is making more sashimi at the Tuna Camp kitchen and brought me a piece. But I have not enough ambition to go over for more – maybe 50 feet away. The breeze helps but carries dust too. Michael had wi-fi for about 30 seconds earlier and got email from Kate, but not able to send. I can’t connect at all. It will be interesting to hear the “dings” on the way home as we come into wi-fi or 3GS range.

Meanwhile, the art car parade continues. A jellyfish, a horseshoe crab, just now a double-decker something with a sail.

Once more we gave out glow sticks – hard work for one person to catch all the dark people. Michael dove in and helped. Marina is very grumpy – Jim probably did something, but no one is talking. She took off for the playa. We went to bed.

Saturday morning, Michael got up to go pee and there was a young woman asleep on our porch. At 8 when we got up again, she was gone. Very windy in the night. Shook the trailer for a while and blew in a ton of dust.

Big breakfast at Tuna Camp. We partook in between packing up. On the road home by 11:30, “off playa” by 12:30. Definitely white out conditions until we got to the highway. I think we did the right think not staying longer. Very hot already and very windy.

A long drive home – 9 hours. Really should break the trip home as well but Michael was concerned about Kate having to deal with Brooke alone all week. I wonder how Brooke’s presence is going to change my life. Already Kate is telling Michael not to walk around the house nude because “Brooke can’t handle it.” Going to be interesting.

Glad to be home with DC today.

Quilt Making

Musings while hand sewing the binding on Michael's Manly Nap Quilt ...

All of the steps in making a quilt are pleasing and satisfying in their own way; even the tedious parts.

Choosing a pattern, choosing colors, picking out the fabrics, all the creative steps that go into making the perfect quilt for a particular person or event get my head involved.

Cutting, piecing, stitching, running my favorite power tool, quilting by machine or by hand, these are parts that get my hands involved.

But the final step of binding -- the binding style I always use is to machine stitch one edge (front or back as dictated by the rest of the quilt) and then blind hem stitch the other edge by hand -- is my favorite part. All the rest of the quilt has come together as it should be -- not necessarily as *planned*, just as it was meant to be, you understand, eh? This step simply cannot be hurried, cannot be rushed through, even when the baby shower or graduation or birthday is hours away. Note: that's the main reason I have learned to never promise a quilt for a specific time :-)

The slow, steady, even stitching gives me time to think, to reflect: on the process, on the learning opportunities (not mistakes, learning opportunities!), on the person who will soon receive the quilt. This is the time to reflect, think, dream, pray, wish; the time for my heart to add its part to the whole.

The Saga of Mary Magellena

[Magellan, in its corporate wisdom, will not supply updated maps for the GPS model I own.]

The BEST way to get from Route 4 to the Brannan Island KOA is to turn right at the light on Route 12 and take a right on Jackson Slough Road, then turn left on Brannan Island Road. It is NOT, repeat NOT, advisable to turn right off Route 4 onto Brannan Island Road directly, despite GPS instructions to do so! Even the USPS agrees.

As the road got more and more narrow and twisty along the top of the levee, I didn't really start to get uneasy until the sign that said One Lane Road Ahead. The road we were on was about 6 inches wider than the RV on each side but still qualified as a Two Lane Road (I guess) because there was a yellow stripe down the middle. Just as I was trying to find a wider spot in the road to turn around, we spotted a US Mail truck headed our way along the levee. The driver drove his truck down along the side of the slope -- really! -- to pass but I flagged him down. "Is there really a KOA up ahead somewhere?" I asked. "Yes ma'am, about 3 more miles. But ... no one ... ever  ... takes ... THIS road ..."

I was in dire need of a drink by the time we arrived and set up camp.

Coming home, after delivering daughter and grandsons to son-in-law at the Berkeley Marina, it should be a straight shot home, no? No. GPS routed me onto a (very scenic) frontage road along the bay for a while before allowing me back onto I-580. And, the maps are old; they date from BEFORE the I-980 cut! GPS tried to take me onto Routes 13 and 24 to get to I-880. Sigh.

This GPS, my dear Mary Magellena, is going to have to find a new home with a younger family member; preferably one with a greater desire, tolerance, and appreciation for adventure.

Rowan is traveling

Rowan and her Prince are traveling this week in the Pumpkin-Turned-Motorhome called Moon Dance. If you want to follow that journey, go to mytripjournal.com/rnmflagstaff

See y'all back here in a while.

The Times They Are A-changing

The following is a letter I wrote on ‎Sunday, ‎February ‎11, ‎2007 to a close (dear)  but (geographically) distant friend. It reflects where I (and my head) were THEN; it does NOT reflect now.

~~~~~~~

Exactly one year ago next Saturday, my best friend and soul mate of 30 years told me, over a McDonald's’ lunch, that he didn’t want to be married any more. He assured me there was no other woman, just that he was depressed and tired and unhappy and wanted out.

He had rented an apartment near work; no I could not have the address; I could call his cell phone or use email or forward mail to a PO Box. He had contacted a divorce lawyer and made arrangements with our accountant. He handed me a sheet of paper outlining a marital settlement agreement. This all happened 6 days after our 22^nd wedding anniversary and he had spent several months on the planning of it as well as the timing.

I cried for a week. Then I got angry. Then I hired a PI who confirmed that he was indeed living with a woman who had been working for him for the last five years: a woman who had house and dog sat for me, who had had dinner in my home many times, who had smiled and treated me like a friend. It was a case of her having bigger boobs, bigger hair, smaller brain and flatter abs, as well as her being 15 years younger.

I was shattered. I am slowly putting the pieces of me back together. It is taking some time and effort. The new “me” is a lot stronger and self-sufficient, but also much less open and trusting than the old one. I am not sure the new me is as loveable and fluffy as the old one, but I like me better now.

As I recall, I used to enjoy the company of men. And I hope to again someday. I’m taking baby steps in that regard – lots of friends, a few good friends, no friends with benefits, yet. And then, someday, I may try actual dating.

How I want to be seen is competent, capable, strong, brave, loving, passionate, caring.

How I will not be seen is afraid, submissive, and timid. 

~~~~~~~ 

Actually, the times they have a-changed :-)

Inventory / Reflection

Children -- three: healthy, happy, successful.
Grandchildren -- four: healthy, happy, active, smart.
Loves -- one primary: healthy, happy, handsome, attentive, loving, careful;
a few secondary: nearby and far away, able, willing, loving.
Friends -- several: beautiful, caring, loyal.

~~~~

Additionally
Cat -- one: healthy, happy, active, attentive.
House -- one and one third: comfortable, well located, solid and sheltering.
RV -- one: slightly dented, decent mileage, still fun.
Car -- one: low miles, dirty (but I could fix that), fun to rive.

~~~~~

Body -- one: gently used, strong, clean, healthy.
Mind -- one: active, agile, inquisitive.
Spirit -- one: happy, content but not complacent.

~~~~

Bottom line -- life is good.

Connections

Tonight I had my annual "date" with my (13 years) younger brother.

My (6 years) younger sister was there too, this time, for the first time.

Just two rounds but a ton of stories ... Remember when you ... When she ... When he ... When I ...when we ...

I remember now why I love them so much; how we are so connected.

I'll keep coming back here, no matter what, just for this connection.