The Avian Lounge Singer

Every morning at 5 am, he plays the smaller venues – telephone pole in my back yard, tree in my neighbor’s yard, another neighbor’s back fence. I hesitate to call him a second-rate singer; he certainly is adequate. But he never has any original material. He covers all the greats but doesn’t offer anything of his own.

His mate ooh’s and aah’s and coos, “Honey, do that Springsteen one again, puhleeeze?” She is into flash and surface; she doesn't mind that he hasn't any thoughts or songs of his own. Superficial little lady. He is a good provider though. They build a nest, hatch eggs, and later fly away.

“I’ll be here all summer. Tell your friends. Stop by for a drink. Do you have any requests? Bono? Sure I can do him.”

California Musing

People dancing, drumming, chanting.

Clouds gather, darkening, lowering, threatening.

Rains come, nourishing, nurturing, soothing.

People retreat to the Kiva, chat and smoke herbs.

Better to stay outside, disrobe and dance in the lovely rain.

Sit under a patio umbrella, chat and smoke herbs.

Blow smoke out to the rain.

Welcome Brother.

I was lonely while you were gone. Its not your job to deal with my loneliness. It's your job to love me unconditionally, eternally, completely.

It is my job to deal with the loneliness.

I am glad you are home again. Its not so lonely around here now.

Please understand

I don't DISlike her. It's just that I don't LIKE her. I don't trust her. I don't feel a chemical bond with her. I will sit on the sideline. I will willingly cuddle and watch, but NOT participate with her. I am happy that you enjoy her and I will watch. But, then, I will come home with you. OK? Tuesday, I may only cuddle and watch. I'm not sure if I want to participate. OK? Is it  OK? I love you and want you to be happy. I really can't bend and give and slide and not be true to me. OK?  Please say it is OK?

Act of Rebellion?

I was three weeks shy of my 18th birthday when I gave up my virginity. I didn't lose it, mind; I know exactly where it went. For whatever reason, I had decided to give it up sometime before the date when it would have been, arbitrarily, legal to do so.

Unbeknownst to my designated "recipient", the process was all carefully orchestrated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim and I had been dating for about a year. He was much older than I, around 22 to my 16, and glamorous because of it. He was a reporter for our local morning newspaper; back in the day, most metropolitan areas of any size had both a morning and an evening newspaper. We attended concerts and other events when he was "comped" the tickets. We also went to clubs to dance and hear live music. Despite my age, we were never bounced out and I was exposed to a lot of very good jazz and blues.

Our physical relationship was limited to kissing and touching because he was extremely sensitive to my age and extremely reluctant to go to jail. I know he also dated other, older, women and I dated classmates; but we spent a good deal of time together and grew close as friends.

When the time came, I knew that I did not want to find out what sex was all about from someone who knew as little as (or less than!) I did; it had to be someone who was experienced and who would and could take the time to help me learn more about my own body. Jim, I decided, would be perfect for this: he was experienced, he knew me, we liked each other, he was gentle, he cared about me.

During my freshman year at college, the Guarnieri Quartet was in residence and gave occasional concerts as well as teaching and leading seminars for the advanced music students. I invited Jim to  to attend the concert and to see my school. We arranged for him to stay at the motel next to campus. After a nice dinner, we listened to wonderful music for a couple of hours; then I suggested a night-cap at his motel room. Jim was a little surprised by this, but definitely game! Conveniently, there was a liquor store just down the road from the motel and we bought a bottle of his favorite, bourbon, to take with us.

Here is where we fade to black for a while ... the exact details are for his memory and mine. I did tell him that I had signed out of the dorm for the night so that curfew (we had that too, back in the day) wouldn't be an issue. Suffice it to say, the experience was lovely, sweet, wonderful and memorable. My "first time" involved waking up in the arms of my lover rather than fumbling for zippers in the back seat of a car.

Two years later ...

Burning Man 2012 is over and I have been indulging in other people's photos and memories that I can find out on the InterWebs. I missed 2011 as well, but today I was cleaning up and found  my journal from 2010. I hadn't been able to transcribe it before now; each time I tried to, my mind sort of side-slipped away from it. Today it all held together and as I typed it up, I relived a wonderful week, a wonder full experience. The following is dedicated to my fellow citizens of Black Rock City, and to the amazing man who introduced me to so many faces of the desert.

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August 30 -- On the road at 9 am, met Jim and Marina at Los Gatos Lodge and were really on the road at 9:30. Lunch was at “Al the Wop’s” in Locke: grease burger and Stinky Fries. We taught Marina to eat peanut butter on her burger. Yum!

Jennifer at the Flyer’s gas stop around exit 121, route 80 – no Adam’s apple, name tag said Jennifer, no bra, arm’s like Michaels: “You headed out to the desert?”, “Yep.”, “Stop in on your way back. Have a safe trip.”

We arrived at Boomtown around 4:30; Jim and Marina camped in the campground; Michael and I had a hotel room instead of setting up the pop-up. We had a short nap; then, refreshed, wine and jazz at a bar in the casino. I played $1 in the poker machine at the bar, won $3.50, then lost it all. We had dinner in Denny’s, back to the bar for more jazz and Jameson’s. Bed, Then up by 7:30 to fill water cans, breakfast at Denny’s with Jim and Marina, then on the road again by 9 am.

Arrived at the playa at 2 pm. Camp all set up 4 pm, and then nap until 6 pm. Dinner was sausages, potatoes, and chili. Michael and I went out on the playa after dinner. Found a fire sculpture – an organ played with a keyboard that shot fire out of the pipes instead of sound – orgasm!!!

Wednesday – We got up around 8, had coffee, egg and muffin. Back to bed at 9 until 11:30 or so. Then had brunch that Jim cooked: potatoes, tomatoes, artichoke hearts all fried up with salsa on top. We walked down to pick up more ice. Then Michael, Jim and I went to a lecture on the desert geology and how the playa came about. Bicycling back for Center Camp after that we picked up Pee Funnels for all four of us. Another nap until 3 or so. I was very hot and kind of stupid in a heat stress sort of way. All four of us walked over to the Safer Sex Camp for a 2 hour discussion of non-monogamy. The tent was way over-packed and hot and the lecturer was soft spoken and sort of obvious. Maybe I would have learned something had I stayed all the way to 6 pm, but I don’t think so and left after about 20 minutes. I’ll have to wait now and see what Michael, Jim and Marina have to say about it. Now back at our noisy camp and the techno music guys are again up on their second story platform and gracing us with their shit. Going to try to read a novel and stay out of the sun – maybe people watch a bit.

Igor and Marguerite came by and later horrible Judy and dumb Bob stayed a while. We gave out more glow sticks. Later Michael and I walked out to the Temple. People had said one’s first sight should be at night and it WAS VERY POWERFUL. Maybe later I can describe the feeling. Now … just powerful!

Thursday – up at about 8, refreshed. Great sleep last night! Because the techno jerks went to bed earlier? Because of walk out to Temple? Because of knowing I had a pee funnel for the night?

We all four set out to see “the lady” on bikes but Michael got a flat tire almost out to the Man. We (he and I) walked back to fix it and will head out again soon. Marina had brought back wooden hearts to write on and I put mine and my wedding ring out at the Temple.

 In Loving Memory of a Failed Marriage, 1976-2006

I forgive you for breaking my heart

I forgive you for stealing my innocence

I forgive you for wasting my time.

Cathartic tears, sobs and now an incredible feeling of lightness. I tried to think about him; can’t even write the nickname! And my mind just slips away from it. Wonderful!

The Tuna Guys arrived at last and we gorged on sashimi and grilled salmon. The Google Earth satellite photo was at 11:41 am. We went out on the Big Ka-Tuna and staged a fishing trip with a fishing boat and crew on the playa. We hope the satellite caught the lovely visual with our Tuna, a sunfish art car and a minnow bicycle caught in the net.

Friday morning -- Marina is talking about staying one more day to see the Man burn but Michael and I both still plan to leave Saturday morning. Michael and I took a 1 hour morning bike ride on D road to Center Camp and then on A out to the edge of the City and the Esplanade back home. My right hand was practically numb … even with gloves.

Meatloaf sandwiches. Many tries to go buy ice but each time the line was way too long. We did fill out our census forms and drop them off.

The wind changed around to the south with LOTS of dust dancers. I’m glad we went to the playa this morning because it is, while not quite a white-out, very dusty. Hair done up in a do rag and the cool bandanas on us both. Due to the dust, we have to button up the trailer so too hot to sleep. Both of us are totally enervated from the heat – hottest day yet. Jim is making more sashimi at the Tuna Camp kitchen and brought me a piece. But I have not enough ambition to go over for more – maybe 50 feet away. The breeze helps but carries dust too. Michael had wi-fi for about 30 seconds earlier and got email from Kate, but not able to send. I can’t connect at all. It will be interesting to hear the “dings” on the way home as we come into wi-fi or 3GS range.

Meanwhile, the art car parade continues. A jellyfish, a horseshoe crab, just now a double-decker something with a sail.

Once more we gave out glow sticks – hard work for one person to catch all the dark people. Michael dove in and helped. Marina is very grumpy – Jim probably did something, but no one is talking. She took off for the playa. We went to bed.

Saturday morning, Michael got up to go pee and there was a young woman asleep on our porch. At 8 when we got up again, she was gone. Very windy in the night. Shook the trailer for a while and blew in a ton of dust.

Big breakfast at Tuna Camp. We partook in between packing up. On the road home by 11:30, “off playa” by 12:30. Definitely white out conditions until we got to the highway. I think we did the right think not staying longer. Very hot already and very windy.

A long drive home – 9 hours. Really should break the trip home as well but Michael was concerned about Kate having to deal with Brooke alone all week. I wonder how Brooke’s presence is going to change my life. Already Kate is telling Michael not to walk around the house nude because “Brooke can’t handle it.” Going to be interesting.

Glad to be home with DC today.

Quilt Making

Musings while hand sewing the binding on Michael's Manly Nap Quilt ...

All of the steps in making a quilt are pleasing and satisfying in their own way; even the tedious parts.

Choosing a pattern, choosing colors, picking out the fabrics, all the creative steps that go into making the perfect quilt for a particular person or event get my head involved.

Cutting, piecing, stitching, running my favorite power tool, quilting by machine or by hand, these are parts that get my hands involved.

But the final step of binding -- the binding style I always use is to machine stitch one edge (front or back as dictated by the rest of the quilt) and then blind hem stitch the other edge by hand -- is my favorite part. All the rest of the quilt has come together as it should be -- not necessarily as *planned*, just as it was meant to be, you understand, eh? This step simply cannot be hurried, cannot be rushed through, even when the baby shower or graduation or birthday is hours away. Note: that's the main reason I have learned to never promise a quilt for a specific time :-)

The slow, steady, even stitching gives me time to think, to reflect: on the process, on the learning opportunities (not mistakes, learning opportunities!), on the person who will soon receive the quilt. This is the time to reflect, think, dream, pray, wish; the time for my heart to add its part to the whole.