Monday, April 26, 2010

Need, Want, Love

I love you. I want you. I need you.

Where do these intersect? where overlap? which is the chicken and which is the egg?

Want can creep in as a disguise for lust, but mostly plays a part in love. I want to see you. I want to hold you, touch you. I want to spend time with you. I want you to forsake all others. I want you to want me.

Need takes many guises as well. Physical need: Help me do things. I can't change the light bulbs myself, I can't drive with a broken foot. Psychological need: Help me cope. Reflect my self, show me I am worthy. Psychical need: Help me be happy. Be there in the night, wake me from bad dreams, hold me in the sunlight. I need you to need me.

Love can exist without want or need. But they do all get tangled together. Because I love you, I want you, need you, to love me. Tangles.

And which comes first? Did I need you, then want you, finally love you? Or did I want someone, need anyone, found you and loved you? Chickens and eggs.

I need you. I want you. I love you.

Monday, April 5, 2010

untwisting the knickers

The fact of their intimate relationship and the nature of that relationship is none of my business. The fact and the nature of *our* relationship is.

Sometimes a facet of their relationship may cause me discomfort or even pain. I may or may not choose to pitch a fit about it or to stay silent. Either way, I will deal with my pain or discomfort.


If I do pitch a fit, then he will have the choice to deal with that or not. However, “not dealing with it” should not entail preemptive dishonesty, whether outright lying or misdirection or deception of any sort.


I feel patronized when my choice to be upset or not is removed by his not being completely open and honest. Lies of omission are as serious as lies of commission.


We have promised to try to have “no twisted knickers” and I have tried to be as open and honest as I can. Not “as much truth as the relationship can bear”, but rather as much truth as we can find.