Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Real Tale of Sleeping Beauty

[The following is a reposting of a profile I once had on an online dating site. A Handsome (and Polyamorous) Prince has arrived on the scene since this was originally posted in 2006. I do not plan to live happily ever after, washing up and keeping house in his castle. We are pretty much content with each other's company and we take turns staying in his castle and in my cottage in the forest as often as we can.]

Everyone knows the fairy tale about Sleeping Beauty, right? The lovely princess who fell afoul of some nasty old crone, fairy or witch or whatever she was. The princess fell asleep and waited, patiently we presume, for some persistent prince to overcome all obstacles and wake her with his kiss.

Like all fairy tales, this one is based on a true story; like all fairy tales, it is so exaggerated that the kernel of truth inside is just about invisible. Let me tell you how it really was.

First off, the princess: she was not blonde, blue eyed and beautiful beyond description. That was just the Press Release from the Palace Public Relations Department. PR departments gotta do what PR departments gotta do, to justify their existence. The real princess was reasonably attractive, with red hair, green eyes and freckles. (Lots of freckles.) So right off we need to change the title of the story to: The Tale of the Sleeping Reasonably Attractive Person.

But there is more. She wasn’t asleep for one hundred years. That is just downright silly. Nobody can sleep for one hundred years. Well, no person; cats seem to be able to manage a reasonable facsimile, but I digress. The princess, lets call her RA for convenience sake, was only dozing and sort of oblivious to things in general. And it only lasted about thirty years, which seemed like a hundred to her family, but still, only about thirty years. New title change again: The Tale of Dozing and Sort of Oblivious Reasonably Attractive [Princess].

Oops. More facts getting in the way of a good story: she wasn’t a Royal princess at all. Her father wasn’t a hereditary monarch, nor was her mother, nor was any ancestor as far back as anyone can trace. As with all first born daughters, she was her Daddy’s Little Princess, of course. But that is as far as it goes, and when the other daughters were born that designation was diluted a couple of times over. Our story’s title changes again: The Tale of Dozing and Sort of Oblivious Reasonably Attractive Eldest Daughter. [You can see why the PR Department was tearing its hair out and came up with the shorter title, now can’t you?]

Title squared away, we can get down to the nitty gritty of the tale now. Fairy tale version: big to do at the christening party with [Disney version] fairy godmothers in a snit or [traditional version] some ugly old crone in the woods in a snit. In the true story, little RA had a nice godmother who not only wasn’t a fairy or ugly old crone, she didn’t believe in fairies and was young and reasonably attractive herself. There is no record of her ever having, or being in, a snit to this day. No snit, no curse, right? The christening party is out of the picture. It did make a nice visual that the PR Department wanted to play up, but it just didn’t happen.

If there was no snit, and there was no curse, what caused the one hundred year sleep, you ask? Weren’t you paying attention?? It wasn't sleep and the time frame was thirty years!

Here is where the prince came into the picture. Don’t ask how the PR Department managed to spin this into the story you are familiar with, but here is how it really went down. Again, he was Moderately Attractive rather than Handsome. And he was a Prince only in that he was the first born son and they usually are. Or think they are, once their grandmothers get finished with them. Handsome Prince morphs into Moderately Attractive First Born Son. It doesn’t scan as well, but it is closer to the truth.

There was a Kiss involved. Whew, you say, at last some truth to the story. Well, it was a kiss, not a Kiss, and actually there were quite a few involved. All the kisses didn’t add up to a KISS though, so don’t get too excited. The accumulation of kisses, along with some sweet talking, and a goodly amount of material goods and travel and other enticements did add up to a Kiss Equivalent.

And it was that Kiss Equivalent from the Moderately Attractive First Born Son that caused the Reasonably Attractive Eldest Daughter to Doze and be Sort of Oblivious for thirty years (give or take, fairy tales do seem to enjoy using round numbers).

Now, I suppose you wonder if the Happily Ever After ever happened either. It seems to have, but not in the true Fairy Tale manner. One day the Dozing and Sort of Oblivious Reasonably Attractive Eldest Daughter looked around at the Moderately Attractive First Born Son and at all the Kiss Equivalents and realized that it was all a Fairy Tale. All the time the Prince-equivalent had been insisting she stay locked in the castle; had been alienating her from her friends; had screamed and pouted and accused her of looking at other princes; he had been banging Bimbos from Boston to Bangkok, and back again.

The latest Bimbo wanted to move into the castle, so the Princess-equivalent took her son and went off to live in a Cottage-in-the-Forest Equivalent and has been pretty much content ever since.

Me, I’ll settle for Pretty Much Content Ever Since over Happily Ever After any day. You?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Get a Life!

Oooh-kaay. How is that to be done?
  • something interesting
  • something somewhat time-consuming
  • something time flexible
  • something creative
Possiblities --
  • tutor at Springer Elementary School: art? reading? math???
  • get the dang RV and travel --
    • writing about it
    • taking photos
    • something vet med related? what?
  • more time in the pottery studio, get *really* good and sell stuff
  • more time in the sewing studio, ditto
 Ideas? Anyone?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Insight Incite

Perhaps he did see me as one of the broken ladies after all. My "brokenness" lies in my low self esteem and quivering insecurities. By making me feel special, he healed my self esteem. I'm just not special enough. More broken shiny pretty things come along and I am special and cured.


1. Continue in a warm and loving relationship where I am continually going to be pushed to the bottom as the next shiny pretty thing comes along.

2. Risk losing everything and being very lonely forever by rocking the boat.

3. Think outside the box and look for the relationship where I am the number one object of affection and attention.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Experiment is Over

The title says it all. No demons haunted my sleep; none came at 3 AM to wake me up. Eating/drinking habits have changed just a teeny bit but I am in control.

Control seems to be the word of the month. I think working with clay as well as with fabric to express creativity will help me feel/be in control.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


Ate VERY lightly today because it is bloody hot. Lots of water (mint and lemon, not in the same pitcher!). Checked my points and plan to have two glasses of red wine as well as a batch of popcorn later tonight. Still have one point left but that's the fudge factor.

Sleep has still not changed very much. Sigh.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Friday and Saturday

Friday, so so. One (small-ish) glass red wine, fish, bread (boo).

Saturday I drank a TON of water all day long, went 4 points over for the day, one (large-ish) glass of red wine, tomato-garlic-egg scramble for dinner. Eating a ton of fruit today too. We'll see ...

Friday, June 17, 2011

Thursday night

One glass of red wine (normal, not "generous" pour). OK dinner, a little too much on the carbs but OK. Disordered sleep most of the night, hamster wheel for a brain.

No particular demons arose, just mundane minutiae: what glaze to put on the plates, how to reverse engineer the glazing on my coffee cup so I can replicate it, list of clinics to send flyer to, etc, etc, etc. Slept like a log from 5 am to 6:15!

This may be a loooooooooong experiment :-(

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

the experiment continues

Wednesday:only one glass of wine, but a "generous pour". I ate somewhat more than was prudent -- the rest of the decadent chocolate pie that should have been enough for two nights. But, overall, I think I did OK. Still no demons, but its early days yet, eh?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Experiment

Hypothesis: doing things to excess (eating, drinking, smoking, drugs) is often to suppress demons of one sort or another.

Experiment: stop drinking to excess and see what demons, if any, arise.

Method: limit to one glass of wine, or one bottle of beer, per night for one week.

Sunday -- one glass of Captain's Red Table Wine only, with dinner. no demons
Monday -- two glasses of CRTW before dinner, 1/2 bottle of awesomely superb Malbec with dinner, small glass of Kahlua after dinner.
Tuesday -- one glass of Sauvignon Blanc only, with dinner. no demons

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday, at 11:47 pm EDT, I turned 65. Now I can
  • get the Senior discount on airlines (been using the theater, movies, restaurant and National Parks one since age 60
  • pay an exorbitant premium for Medicare instead of paying an exorbitant premium for private health insurance
  • finally put Numb Nuts out of my mind, along with any other little thing that used to bother me
  • look forward to the next 5 years during which I will work less, play more, worry less, travel more and plan a BIG party for my next BIG birthday
  • have nude photos taken and display them proudly:

Monday, March 21, 2011

Homework from my therapist this week --

She said to Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Here is the first thing I found, someone with Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) has at least 5 of these symptoms:
  • has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
  • is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
  • requires excessive admiration
  • has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
  • is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
  • lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
  • is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  • shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
That's him, to a T!

Now, how to help undo the damage he did to our son?


Turkey EmpaƱadas

My sister gave me,among other things, a 5" empaƱada maker for Christmas. I decided tonight's dinner would be the perfect time t...