Day 47 and nothing to do with quarantine and viruses

First thing this morning, I drew the Five of Cups tarot card.

The Five of Cups shows a man in a long black cloak looking down on three cups that have been knocked over – symbolic of his disappointments and failures. Behind him stand two cups representing new opportunities and potential, but because he is so fixed on his losses (the over-turned cups), he misses the opportunities available to him.

In the background, a bridge crosses a large, flowing river and leads to the security of the castle or home on the opposite side of the riverbank – if only he can move on from the over-turned cups. The bridge is a message to 'build a bridge and get over it!'

As I soaked in the hot tub, I had this card in the back of my mind. Disappointments and failures, missed opportunities. Something my daughters' step-mother said last week, during our "Family Cocktail Zoom", about the mother-in-law we had had in common, also stuck back there.

My family dynamic, when I was young, seemed lopsided to me. My father was clearly dominant, what he wanted is what happened, what he said was law. I saw my mother as weakly, meekly, acquiescing to all he said. This was from a child's point of view, of course, and wasn't what was really going on. My parents adored each other and were, as far as they could be in the 1950's, pretty much equal partners. But what I saw was my Mom always siding with Dad when I rebelled, never taking my side. What we see, hear, feel, as children can shape our adult, or at least older, selves. Unconsciously or sub-consciously, I planned to have a different dynamic when I finally got married.

In Davy's family, I saw a kind and loving husband, doing everything he could to make his wife happy. What was actually there, and what Davy internalized, was a cold, stern, domineering wife walking rough shod all over her husband. Not a dynamic HE wanted to replicate in HIS marriage.

Part of the problem we had was due to our both being way too young to start a family, but that doesn't excuse us. He must have been terrified to suddenly have a wife and two babies when he was only 23 and had no job. No wonder he jumped at the chance to teach at East Carolina University. Now he could provide for his family. Also, his parents lived close by and he would have his mother to lean on.

I, on the other hand, had just been accepted at Syracuse University in the Library School. We were living in my grandmother's house, only a short way from my parents, and I had all of my support right there.  I saw his actions as being just like my father's -- he hadn't told me he was applying for the job, only told me after he had accepted it. We were to move hundreds of miles away; I was to give up my dream of graduate school; I hadn't even been consulted; I would be living near my mother-in-law who disliked me.

Too young to cope with the situation and each other, we separated, divorced and both lived near their support center.

Those who don't understand their own history are doomed to repeat it. Stay tuned for the next chapter.

Day 46 and time differences

My usual walk goes like this -- turn right, walk 2 blocks, turn right, walk one block, turn right, walk as far as the school parking lot. Then, across the paved play yard to the far end and deosil around the walking track until the park entrance, then left, left, and home. With California still under a Shelter In Place (SIP) order, there is little traffic and few other walkers.

Ordinarily, I walk around 8 am and have come to "know" the few people I encounter every day. There is a woman with her old Golden Retriever; we usually exchange a "good morning" in passing. There is a tall, Asian looking man with a huge, red hued, husky-German Shepherd-wolf-whatever mix. He only ever nods at my greeting but his dog is friendlier and comes up to sniff hello. There is a woman with an Irish Setter that refuses to chase balls; she brings a mirror on sunny days and her dog happily races from one side of the grass to the other, chasing the bright reflection. (He also, sometimes, "attacks" the moving shadows of trees.)

Sometimes, if it is a day when I get a later start, I may encounter my across-the-street neighbor strolling his ancient black Lab. He always greets me with , "Good morning, Rose", and I always reply, "Good morning, how are you?", embarrassed that he knows my name and I have no idea of his, even after living here for 14 years.

But today, due to a new resolve to get up earlier, I walked at 7:30. Same route, but new encounters. All of my old "friends" were still at home, working on their first cup of coffee. The earlier denizens are a different breed. First was a man walking his dog on the other side of the street while engaged in what sounded like a business call. At the house on the corner with a bench full of running shoes, the owner was sitting on the step, taking off his running shoes and scanning the newspaper.

Inside the park, at the play-yard ball corral, was a nice young man wearing a mask. He seemed to be on the spectrum, from the way he spoke to me. He was sitting inside the ball corral with his big Golden named Kona, playing games on his phone. There was the woman walking widdershins on the track having an angry phone conversation in Mandarin. Or maybe not angry; Mandarin always sounds angry to me.

Little things are different: the damp sidewalk at the corner of Walnut and Rose gets that way because the sprinklers are on at 7:30, so I walked in the street.

Little things are the same: The [very] loud mocking bird is still proclaiming his ownership of the neighborhood, probably since dawn.

Day 40 and birthday parties

Today is my first husband's 77th birthday. As we all get up into the higher number years, birthdays become special again -- who knows how many there are left.

Our first family Zoom birthday party was for our grandson's 15th. There were ... lots ... too many? ... little boxes on the screen. Coordinating a group of people to sing the birthday song can be difficult; doing it over Zoom is PAINFUL! Worst, hands down, bar none, worst rendition in the history of ever.

My daughters' step Mom wanted a family Zoom party for G-Dad's birthday but, we had to all promise -- no singing! So we had our semi-regular family Zoom cocktail party and, on the count of three, shouted "happy birthday". Much better than the singing.

There was a lot of discussion about hoping this would be the last "Covid Birthday" in the family. The next birthday, mine, is coming up in about a month and it would be great to have it in person.

One of my daughters families was missing their college student son so much, they got him a plane ticket home for the weekend. He said there were 20 people on the plane and 2 rows in front of him, 2 rows behind and 4 seats next to him, were all empty.

Day 39 and really stupid things

I hope that history books will somehow convey the stupidity of the man who is serving as President of the US during these Strange Days.

First he started touting hydroxycholorquine, a drug that is legitimately used for Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. A drug that can have serious side effects when not used properly; side effects like ... death.

Yesterday he talked about using disinfectants to kill the virus. Inside people. Disinfectants. Inject them or "otherwise get [them] inside the body". Disinfectants.

Lastly, UV light can kill viruses. So he thinks doctors should try to get UV light into the body, through the skin, or into the lungs somehow. UV light.

It would be humorous, but this is the President of the US saying these things, out loud, in public. And his idiot followers are listening to him. A couple in Arizona drank chlorquine phosphate ('cause it sort of sounds the same, eh?), a chemical used to clean fish tanks. He died; she was hospitalized. She had used it to treat her koi fish for parasites. "I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, 'Hey isn't that the stuff the President is talking about on TV?' " she told NBC News. "We were afraid of getting sick," she said.

Day 38 and the new, fungible, normal

Today at the grocery store there was a 40-something woman shopping during the senior (60+) hours. Faux pas number 1.And she had no mask on! #2 And she was ignoring the one-way signs for the aisles. #3 She stood out like a sore thumb and EVERYONE was talking about her.

It's like she was from a different planet. Or maybe from the year 2019.

As I was checking out, with the Plexiglas shield between me and the cashier, the alien lady approached from the other end of the checkout line; she came over behind the shield, right in the cashier's face, to protest a charge on her bill. She had the shelf price card in her hand, "See, it says right here 99 cents. See here on my bill, I got two of them and was charged $2.00. You need to refund me."  Never mind that the cashier was in the middle of checking out my groceries. #4, #5, #6

The new normal is me, wearing a mask, greeting the two cashiers by their checkout stands, also wearing masks. No more smiling hello, we nod politely at each other.

I noticed a friend shopping as well and we stopped far enough apart that we had to raise our voices to chat a minute.

Strange days.

Meanwhile, our Governor announced yesterday that he is easing the Shelter in Place restrictions so that surgeries can be performed again. So those who need their brain tumors removed, or who need heart valves or joint replacement, or organ transplants have some hope of not dying from something other than COVID-19.

Day 37 and those who don't learn from history

Because of our president's (lower case because he doesn't deserve the respect of upper case) cowardice, narcissism, or stupidity -- or all three -- there was no coordinated, national effort to quarantine in the early days of this pandemic. Decisions for limited or complete quarantines were left to the Governors. Some, notably Democrats, like NY's Andrew Cuomo and CA's Gavin Newsom shut things down pretty early. Other states on each coast followed in a timely manner. 

The South and the Midwest, with more often than not Republican Governors who were tied to the president's coat tails, were much slower. Florida's Governor didn't want to interfere with Spring Break -- and hundreds of college students returned to their home states carrying the virus with them. Louisiana's Governor didn't want to interfere with Mardi Gras. Economics took precedence over Public Health.

Now that NY and CA are showing some slowing of new virus cases, hospitalizations, and deaths, the latecomer Governors, and a coordinated cohort of GOP toadies, are calling for all stay at home orders to be lifted. Even in the states with later closures which are still showing huge rises in cases, hospitalizations, and deaths! Open up the Economy, no matter how many people may die needlessly. Georgia intends a slow, phased in re-opening, starting with hair salons, tattoo parlors and bowling alleys!

The most cogent meme trending these days is something about how, since your rate of descent is slowing, now would be a good time to cut the straps of your parachute. Never mind that you are still 2500 feet above the ground. 

People who know what is going on have, for years, decried the state of education in the US. Never has that been more evident than now. The average person has no understanding of civics, public health, history or even basic mathematics. 

Day 36 and ... today I got nothing