Showing posts with label relationships reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships reflections. Show all posts

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Day 47 and nothing to do with quarantine and viruses

First thing this morning, I drew the Five of Cups tarot card.
The Five of Cups shows a man in a long black cloak looking down on three cups that have been knocked over – symbolic of his disappointments and failures. Behind him stand two cups representing new opportunities and potential, but because he is so fixed on his losses (the over-turned cups), he misses the opportunities available to him.
In the background, a bridge crosses a large, flowing river and leads to the security of the castle or home on the opposite side of the riverbank – if only he can move on from the over-turned cups. The bridge is a message to 'build a bridge and get over it!'

As I soaked in the hot tub, I had this card in the back of my mind. Disappointments and failures, missed opportunities. Something my daughters' step-mother said last week, during our "Family Cocktail Zoom", about the mother-in-law we had had in common, also stuck back there.

My family dynamic, when I was young, seemed lopsided to me. My father was clearly dominant, what he wanted is what happened, what he said was law. I saw my mother as weakly, meekly, acquiescing to all he said. This was from a child's point of view, of course, and wasn't what was really going on. My parents adored each other and were, as far as they could be in the 1950's, pretty much equal partners. But what I saw was my Mom always siding with Dad when I rebelled, never taking my side. What we see, hear, feel, as children can shape our adult, or at least older, selves. Unconsciously or sub-consciously, I planned to have a different dynamic when I finally got married.

In Davy's family, I saw a kind and loving husband, doing everything he could to make his wife happy. What was actually there, and what Davy internalized, was a cold, stern, domineering wife walking rough shod all over her husband. Not a dynamic HE wanted to replicate in HIS marriage.

Part of the problem we had was due to our both being way too young to start a family, but that doesn't excuse us. He must have been terrified to suddenly have a wife and two babies when he was only 23 and had no job. No wonder he jumped at the chance to teach at East Carolina University. Now he could provide for his family. Also, his parents lived close by and he would have his mother to lean on.

I, on the other hand, had just been accepted at Syracuse University in the Library School. We were living in my grandmother's house, only a short way from my parents, and I had all of my support right there.  I saw his actions as being just like my father's -- he hadn't told me he was applying for the job, only told me after he had accepted it. We were to move hundreds of miles away; I was to give up my dream of graduate school; I hadn't even been consulted; I would be living near my mother-in-law who disliked me.

Too young to cope with the situation and each other, we separated, divorced and both lived near their support center.

Those who don't understand their own history are doomed to repeat it. Stay tuned for the next chapter.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Act of Rebellion?

I was three weeks shy of my 18th birthday when I gave up my virginity. I didn't lose it, mind; I know exactly where it went. For whatever reason, I had decided to give it up sometime before the date when it would have been, arbitrarily, legal to do so.

Unbeknownst to my designated "recipient", the process was all carefully orchestrated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim and I had been dating for about a year. He was much older than I, around 22 to my 16, and glamorous because of it. He was a reporter for our local morning newspaper; back in the day, most metropolitan areas of any size had both a morning and an evening newspaper. We attended concerts and other events when he was "comped" the tickets. We also went to clubs to dance and hear live music. Despite my age, we were never bounced out and I was exposed to a lot of very good jazz and blues.

Our physical relationship was limited to kissing and touching because he was extremely sensitive to my age and extremely reluctant to go to jail. I know he also dated other, older, women and I dated classmates; but we spent a good deal of time together and grew close as friends.

When the time came, I knew that I did not want to find out what sex was all about from someone who knew as little as (or less than!) I did; it had to be someone who was experienced and who would and could take the time to help me learn more about my own body. Jim, I decided, would be perfect for this: he was experienced, he knew me, we liked each other, he was gentle, he cared about me.

During my freshman year at college, the Guarnieri Quartet was in residence and gave occasional concerts as well as teaching and leading seminars for the advanced music students. I invited Jim to  to attend the concert and to see my school. We arranged for him to stay at the motel next to campus. After a nice dinner, we listened to wonderful music for a couple of hours; then I suggested a night-cap at his motel room. Jim was a little surprised by this, but definitely game! Conveniently, there was a liquor store just down the road from the motel and we bought a bottle of his favorite, bourbon, to take with us.

Here is where we fade to black for a while ... the exact details are for his memory and mine. I did tell him that I had signed out of the dorm for the night so that curfew (we had that too, back in the day) wouldn't be an issue. Suffice it to say, the experience was lovely, sweet, wonderful and memorable. My "first time" involved waking up in the arms of my lover rather than fumbling for zippers in the back seat of a car.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Inventory / Reflection

Children -- three: healthy, happy, successful.
Grandchildren -- four: healthy, happy, active, smart.
Loves -- one primary: healthy, happy, handsome, attentive, loving, careful;
a few secondary: nearby and far away, able, willing, loving.
Friends -- several: beautiful, caring, loyal.

~~~~

Additionally
Cat -- one: healthy, happy, active, attentive.
House -- one and one third: comfortable, well located, solid and sheltering.
RV -- one: slightly dented, decent mileage, still fun.
Car -- one: low miles, dirty (but I could fix that), fun to rive.

~~~~~

Body -- one: gently used, strong, clean, healthy.
Mind -- one: active, agile, inquisitive.
Spirit -- one: happy, content but not complacent.

~~~~

Bottom line -- life is good.

My Chickens' First Night

 Sunset  was at 8:11 pm so I went out to the pen a little after 8. The three chickens were milling around, scratching and peeping and seemin...