Monday, March 12, 2012


Goddess Silver, Goddess Bright, please take this wish from me tonight. Full to Dark, and ‘round again, please grant this wish for me ere then: Please help me to become, to be and to remain strong and independent. As I will it, so mote it be.
Four times a week, I go to the gym for cardio exercises; twice a week for strength training. With the help of my trainer and encouragement from my soul mate, I have gained strength, agility, flexibility and feel younger than my years by far. I can keep up on a moderately challenging hike or bike ride. My body feels healthy and happy and just fine, thank you very much.

Nearly every day, I do a challenging crossword puzzle. At the moment I have eight simultaneous online Scrabble games in progress with my sister, brother-in-law, daughter and two grandsons. I can sometimes even beat the kids; and my sister only beats me by double my score instead of triple as she did once. My mind feels healthy and happy and just fine, thank you very much.

Once a week, I take a pottery class from a Master Teacher. Daily I design and execute quilts and pots, most of them pleasing to my eye, some even pleasing to the eyes of others. Sunrises, sunsets, bird-song, wind, sky, water and earth are part of my life every day. My soul feels health and happy and just fine, thank you very much.

But the spirit? Not so much. A while back, I was traded in for a newer model: not necessarily more fit, more mentally agile, but definitely a new, bright, shiny thing. I was blindsided, bereft, devastated. My ego, my self esteem are still vulnerable, weak and frighteningly fragile.  How does one exercise ego? How does one build up muscles in self esteem? How can feeling of self worth be made strong, agile, and flexible? Where does one go to find a coach or trainer for these?

Those last four are not rhetorical questions. I really need to know. Can anyone out there give me some tips? pointers? help?

1 comment:

  1. For whom have you performed all these incredible feats? Was your motivation self-improvement/growth or a means to please a partner/lover/friend?

    In any relationship, there are three participants - YOU, ME, and US. The US cannot exist in the truest sense if the ME is not allowed to be ME or is not recognized for contributions to the relationship which includes a plethora of emotional, philosophical and intuitive ramifications.

    You're ego and self esteem are intact, albeit bruised by oversight or misunderstanding or perhaps a gesture such as diverting attention away from you to the new acquisition of a bright bauble.

    To thine own self be true and you'll find the best coach in the maters you require will be you. You are the brightest star in the galaxy, but you'll not be seen by hiding behind the planet of insecurity. You will be your brightest when you realize your own worth.


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