"Were you and J Lovers?"
Good question. For me, there are three parts to "Lovers" -- physical, mental and emotional/spiritual.
Sex. Capital S.
What constitutes Sex though? For me, some genitals must be involved. The hottest, deepest, wettest, most passionate kiss is just a kiss. Or maybe a K*I*S*S, but still not Sex. It is "only" mouth to mouth; no genitalia. I will stretch this definition though to include secondary sex characteristics because mouth-to-breast/nipples is definitely Sex in my book. And mouth-to-genitals counts as Sex just as much as hands-to- or genitals-to-.
But how much Sex does it take to be Lovers?
Once is a one night stand, right? What about once before one person deploys for three years to some foreign war but the other two components (below) persist for the three years -- are they Lovers for three years?
Once, without the other two components is not enough; with both though, I think it would suffice. 'Twould be wicked frustrating, but would suffice. Several times, without the other two components? That is called a Fuck Buddy.
But Sex alone is not enough to constitute "being Lovers".
Don't know about you all, but my brain is definitely an erogenous zone. "Seduce my mind and you can have my body ..." "All I need now is intellectual intercourse..." I believe that Lovers must have some sort of meeting of the minds, be on the same wavelength, have some common cultural references. You need something to talk about while you are mustering up reserves for the next roll in the hay, eh? But even that isn't quite enough. Maybe enough for Friends With Benefits, but not for Lovers.
"... find my soul and I'm yours forever." "... a soul to dig the hole much deeper." You make my heart sing. The thrill I get every time I hear your voice. Knowing we share hopes and dreams and wishes as well as wants and desires. It is harder to pin down, but the emotional/spiritual part is to me the deal breaker. It must be there or we are only FWBs or FBs or something else, but not Lovers.
Answer -- J and I are Friends With Benefits. Further answer -- D and I were Fuck Buddies, M1 and I were Lovers.
"What I wouldn't give to find a soul mate, someone else to catch this drift ..."
M2 and I are Soul Mates, and that is another story altogether.
aside: If you can have Oral Sex with yourself, please send me the name of your yoga instructor. Please?